Fathers' Day 2013

It's that special day of the year. And it has been 2 years going to 3 since my dad passed on.

Cancer of the gall bladder took his life away on 22 Jul 2010.

The illness even took away his sanity in the last few months. It was pure torture seeing him degenerating. I chose to run away in fear. I dare not witness the process.

I dread heading to the hospital for the daily visits. To be honest, I hate it. Why? Why of all people it has to be my father?

I still have not let go. I see the direction I'm typing towards and I know... I must not have let go. I keep questioning....

If he were still alive, he would be in the joy of having 3 grandchildren, of which 2 are twins! I'm boasting as there's no cases of twins within my paternal relatives. He would be delirious. Lol.

Sadly, he didn't live till this day. All we could do is... imagine.

I was not close with my father. But I respect him a lot. They say a dad is a son's first hero, and a daughter's first lover. But I would say he's my role model. And he has been strict to all of us. And he taught his children to be polite and sympathetic. And to lead a honest and stable life.

I have to hand it to him for bringing us up with his multi-jobs' meager salary. My brothers took up part time jobs to help with the household expenses. My father taught his sons to be responsible and pro-active. To know how to take care of siblings and help each other out. I knew I was the gem in the family.. for I need not hold any part time jobs just to help out. To be honest, I knew I was overly pampered. And I loved the attention I got. But I didn't act like a spoilt princess. I knew my parents try to give me the best in their capacity. And I am thankful for that.

When I was 3+, my brothers stayed at home to do their homework whereas I got to wait for my father at 8pm downstairs every day. And then I would hop into my father's delivery van and off we would ride to East Coast's drive-thru Mcdonald's and order fries. Sometimes my father made me order, which I was so afraid to do so. LOL. What was that black thing that has voices coming out? It was the speaker. LOL. And when my parents have extra to spare, they would also order burgers for my brothers as supper too.

Sorry bros, I end up eating most of the Mcdonald's share.

Then when I attended Primary school, my father would fetch me whenever possible. Do you know it is so hard for him to do that? He will always be in the vicinity with his delivery truck whenever I was released from school. I did not know how he managed that.

And there was also the daily trips to CDC during my PSLE. I had chicken pox during the final exams. It was a long ride from our residence to CDC... and he would have to get up early just to drive me over in his motorbike. How did he do that?

And I grew up... I became slightly rebellious but still within limits. Then I later felt that he was biased towards my older brothers. I know that's silly. But I was a teenager and in my early twenties. All I had was emotional rage. Why did I do that?




Then I finally start earning my income... Give me some years to save up and we could go on holiday with my pay. But that trip never happened.

He was gone too soon.





Earlier on I was in the restaurant having dinner alone. Looking around me were all families with dads. My kid's father is outstation and won't be home till late Monday. I just felt a tinge of loneliness and jealousy. Just a bit.

Do cherish your first hero and lover while you can. For they could just be gone like the wind... too fast, too furious. ;)


Happy Fathers' Day, Pa.