Some Things Haunt You for Life

Don't be shocked by the title.

But it's true ain't it?

There are things... events... people... who/that can't get out of your head no matter how hard you try.

What haunts me? I suppose it would have to be lost friendships. I just can't get over the part where "people have already shut me off, so why do I have to bother salvaging things?"

Sometimes... I feel like asking them directly to get answers. Answers even though they hurt.

A few I have asked, but I didn't get a truthful answer. They patronize me and then the same thing repeats.. the MIA (missing in action) mode.

It scares me. Why things end up this way? We used to be happy together, talking merrily and sharing woes. Just when things are rosy and I thought we were building a rock-solid friendship, all of a blue they stopped conversing. And then when I probed for more, no answers were given.  A patronizing "oh no la... nothing's wrong" was always given to me.

SOMETHING MUST BE WRONG!

Else why was the friendship dissolving? The real answer is something I will never get it.

And I don't even know how to react to you when we meet on the streets. People whom used to be so close to... have become strangers on the walkway.

What else haunts me? Mistakes.

Even minor ones.

I remember there was a special test in school where gifted students were sieved. I prepared my pencil case the night before in glee. It contained my favorite stationery. The next day right before the test, I found my pencil case missing. I reported to the teacher and a search was conducted. No one owned up. My mood was really bad, horrendous I would say. I think I cried a little.

And you know what I did for my test?

In the brackets for every question I wrote ...

Q1: (1)
Q2: (2)
Q3: (3)
Q4: (1)
Q5: (2)

And you get the drift.

When I grew older... I felt it was the most stupid thing I did. It was a special test and who knows I could have made it to the gifted class. What if? What if I really could be in the gifted class? My fate now could change drastically.

This... haunts me.

And the actions of an ex. What he did still haunt me to this very day. His love became an obsession. It was a nightmare to me..I didn't know how I got out of it. And I'm thankful I did. I don't want to go through the details here ... it's way too personal to be on the WWW. The word 'nightmare' should suffice. I did a quick check on him, and he's getting married. Good for him. He could have been a better man now and even though he hurt me in the past, I still wish him the best. He could have changed... and that's what's most important. If it's possible, I would never want to see him anymore.


And there's a question that haunts me. A question that not a living soul could answer.

What happens when we die?

Is it like the movies where you get a flashback on your life? Or a less than a second realization?  Like letting you see and understand why things happened the way they did? Will we ever open our eyes again? Where will our memories go to? Do we just *poof* and be gone? Is there Heaven? Is there Hell? Can we feel how is it like to breathe again? Can we see ourselves?

What will happen?

It frightens me.

So, what are your living haunts?